I don't think I'm married. Inside my ancient internal kingdom, it doesn't exist. Marriage was never a part of the life deal I made long ago.
It was a stupid decision, made for a Visa that hasn't yet materialized. I thought the small outside compromise would get me out of Toxis. It does work when I'm over there. It's a better life, but I'm no better at supporting myself or using my time wisely. My life is a dream without a buttress.
Now I can't even pick up a pencil to draw an apple. Who cares. Not the citizens of Toxis. So I go to ground, hide in the ancient ruthless kingdom.
He broke his foot. I have to be here. I hate.
He wants more than my driving and fetching. He wants me crippled, too. He is at his worst (the sniveling little shit) after I've taken a walk for no reason associated with him or the Hell Hound. I return to him pseudo-cleaning, faux organizing, in a haze of nasty martyrdom. Oh what a terrible housewife I am! How I break my promises to clean and make a home for him.
Hobble on, baby, in another great show of injury. Yes, I'm a shitty wife. I was a shitty girlfriend. How could it be otherwise when those roles aren't allowed in my kingdom? He was warned long ago.
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